Thoughts on Women's History Month

As a young woman living in the twenty-first century, I deal with a particular set of challenges: I am trying to define myself as a scholar, academic, and future-teacher in a still (primarily) male-dominated profession. I am attempting to build a career in the midst of a bad economy, and in an even worse job market. I am living with the dual-desire to have job that leaves me happy and fulfilled, yet also completely financially independent.  I am trying to juggle health with a very sedentary existence as a writer and student. I am trying to maintain a healthy-body image and a progressive understanding of beauty in the midst of a culture that often leaves me feeling horribly inadequate. I am a single person aiming to feel "complete" when the majority of my friends are in romantic relationships. I am struggling to juggle intense work demands with familial responsibilities and commitments. I am constantly attempting to reconcile the "hard" parts of my personality (strength, independence, practicality and pragmatism) with other attributes (emotional vulnerability, intimacy, and trust) that I know are vital to my relational and emotional life. And, I am trying to travel a journey of constant self-improvement/fulfillment while still maintaining the awareness that there is a bigger world far beyond my own--a world that requires my help, my activism, and my political involvement and participation.

Looking at this list, I know I lead a life of a privilege. My challenges are primarily abstract; I am not without basic needs such as food, water, shelter, or freedom. Indeed, these are the challenges of a privileged woman, yet they are challenges nonetheless. Something like Women's History Month is inspiring to me on many levels, but especially because it reminds me of the women who have gone before me--women with challenges ten times greater than my own--who pushed through and accomplished what must have seemed impossible. Whether Alice Paul or Harriet Tubman, the women I celebrate during the month of March (and should celebrate all year long) leave me believing--whether simplistically or foolishisly or not--that with enough work, gutsiness, commitment, and enthusiasm, change is possible. 

Luckily, the term "inspiring women" is also something alive and well in my own life; such women are not only ones found in the pages of history books, but are also tangible, real people in the here-and-now who provide me with a steadfast flow of wisdom, strength, love, wisdom, courage, and humor. My mother is the ultimate embodiment of this, but I am also blessed with an amazing grandmother, aunt, and cousin. Beyond blood, yet equally influential, I possess what we lovingly refer to as an "adopted-Thea," as well as a beautiful big-sister-of-the-heart. As if family were not enough, I have a strong and stable set of female friends who bring joy to every day of my life. I am proud to say that I have never--not once at any point in my life--have lacked female community.

I don't believe there's such a thing as a singular "female experience." We're all different; our struggles, our successes, our desires, our fears, and our goals are not identical. National Women's History Month is still meaningful to me, however, because it reminds me that we can nonetheless find a sense of solidarity within the beauty of this diversity. The women who came before me championed my right, my opportunity, and my potential to be me; they fought for my right to live in this world, to occupy this space, to experience and push through the challenges of this life with the ever-abiding hope that it may even be a little easier for someone else down the road. Those women did that, and now it's my turn to do the same. I owe it to myself. I owe it to them.

Time and Thesis

I am currently in the process of writing my M.A. thesis, and, like most people, am finding it to be both a greatly fulfilling, yet also extremely challenging project. There are many things that make this so difficult--the limited and ever dwindling number of months I have to complete it, the incredibly large degree of research required, the pressure to produce something original and meaningful, to impress my advisors, etc.--but perhaps the very greatest challenge has been time management.

Time management. It's something that I used to think I was pretty good at; after all, I've long juggled things like work, school, activism, extra-curriculums, and family responsibilities, and (mostly) succeeded/survived. With the thesis, however, I find myself constantly two steps behind, constantly guilty over not working enough, and swinging back and forth between extremes of complete procrastination or complete obsession. I won't write for a whole two days, but then pull an almost completely sleepless night and write for 12 hours. I'll spend all night laying in bed feeling guilty and stressed about not hitting my page limit, but then get caught up in other responsibilities the next morning and never get to my writing. At my job, I'll spend 8 hours wishing I was at home writing, but then get home and feel too tired to write.

I know these struggles are not unique; they're the great plight of anyone writing a thesis, dissertation, or other large project--especially anyone attempting to do that writing while simultaneously holding a job or other significant responsibilities. My challenges aren't original, but they are personal and emotionally consuming nonetheless. It's terrible feeling like you might be failing at the one thing most important to you--and, that the key to not failing is ultimately in your own hands, but you just can't seem to be smart or disciplined enough to unlock the problem.

The very logical person in me knows that I will finish my writing my thesis. I'll finish writing my thesis because I am a stubborn person with a great sense of drive, conviction, and passion. Right now, however, my main concern is how I might finish my thesis not only in the most productive way, but also the most (mentally and physically) healthy way. Deep down I know I'll reach my destination, but I'd like to make the journey a little smoother. I'd especially like to be able to walk away from this experience not only with a 100-some-page manuscript, but also a set of time management and work skills that I can hopefully rely on, and refer to, for other big things in my life--both within and maybe even beyond academia.

(Suggestions, feedback, and ego-boosting comments welcomed.)