Right Places

I call this blog a "new write place" with the hopes of acknowledging that prior to this new stage of life, there was another place that I felt was truly right. The four years I spent at a small liberal arts college were some of the very happiest of my entire life. I was not only having fun, enjoying the people I was with, studying what I love, and feeling like I was making a difference, but I was also overwhelmed with this deep rooted sense that I was in the right place. I had an unwavering peace and contentment that I was in the absolute right place at the right time, being exactly who I wanted to be, and doing exactly what I was supposed to be doing. I never had this kind of contentment before, and truth be told, it was somewhat intoxicating.

One of my main fears then about graduating was that I would lose that peace and never again be able to find it. (This may sound dramatic to some, but keep in mind that this was in fact a fear and most fears are not rational.) In response to this, I have really tried to reflect on the importance of appreciating the stage of your life that you are in rather than pining for the better one behind you (or the supposed better one ahead of you). In Yoga class, we are asked to quietly reflect on a particular word and I will often dwell on "contentment"; that is, contentment to be here, in this place, at this moment, whatever that place and that moment happens to be.

But, that's really easy to utter in Yoga class and a hell of a lot harder to actually live out. I must admit that yesterday at my new university's orientation it was difficult for me not to compare this academic community to my old one. Often times I will find criticisms and negative comparisons floating across my mind. I was telling a friend about this and she encouraged me to do what I constantly long for others to do politically and ideologically: embrace difference. What this means is that I don't expect my new institution, new home, new friendships to be the same as what I had before; rather, I embrace that one is not necessarily better or worse than the other, they are just different.

This is profound advice. When those sneaky and unfair comparisons rage, I have to consciously remind myself although this place certainly isn't the same, it can still be right and good.  Besides excelling in my studies, that is my number one goal; to make right and feel right in the place that I am in. Like embracing and celebrating any kind of difference, this will have moments of discomfort, but it will also reap great personal expansion. I know that the key to real contentment is willingness to grow and be stretched as I embrace different experiences even while I continue to cherish the ones that are behind me.

Beginnings

The months of January-May 2010 make up what I lovingly refer to as my “magical semester.” This was the spring semester of my sophomore year, the 19th year of my life, and it was a time of great awakening, inspiration, and fulfillment. I switched my concentration to Literature. All of my classes were related to my majors. I took a class called Literary Theory that challenged every belief, idea, and understanding of the world that I possessed. Ideologically, I was shaken to the core. I formed a couple friendships that remain some of the most important relationships in my life. For the very first time, I held leadership positions in different activism roles. I also officially decided that my dream was to go to graduate school and get my PhD.

Since that afternoon in March when I sat with my academic advisor and declared, “This is what I want,” I have worked effortlessly to make sure I get into graduate school. After two years of writing, studying, and applying, I was finally accepted into three schools and chose one with the best financial package. Now my reality is that in exactly one week, I will move to a new city all by myself, start a job as a head graduate assistant, and begin work on my MA degree in English.

I mention my “magical semester” because I believe that’s where this journey was birthed. If my academic journey were a narrative, I would say that my “magical semester” was the chronological beginning. Like the most classical beginnings in a narrative, its role is to a set story into motion; it is a catalyst; it is, as the Oxford Dictionary would define, a moment or series of moments that brings something “into being.” While I would argue that life is made up of a constant stream of endless beginnings (many we don’t even realize), my “magical” semester was a markedly conscious beginning that set this new journey of mine into movement.

This upcoming journey is the reason why I felt that I needed a new blog. My older site was full of entries that reflect some of the most meaningful happenings in my life, but I feel that they are a collection of moments that ultimately compose a very different part of my life. A different chapter in my story. I felt that a new job, a new degree, a new city, and a new stage of life called for a different writing “space.” I am dwelling in a new place physically—in an apartment, a city, and different academic community. My writing needs a figurative space in which it can explore, grapple with, and process these new physical spaces.

I wish that I could end this first entry will something incredibly profound or meaningful, but the truth is I can’t. I have many feelings as I enter this stage of life—more conflicting feelings than I have ever had about any transition—and all I can do is feel each emotion as it comes. I have no idea what to expect, and because of that, I’ve decided not to expect much at all. The very most I can say is that I am immensely thankful to have been given this opportunity to pursue my dream, to study what I love, and to be privileged enough to embark on a journey that is fully about my own aspirations. May I take these next few years and live them well.